Journaling for Progressive Dating

Socially conscious dating is an approach to dating that expands on intentional dating. It includes the revision of preferences and values for greater relational wellbeing in a world marked by social inequality. The following is a guided journalling exercise to help make these ideas practicable.

Step 1: Describe what you find attractive

Do you have an ideal type and if so what factors personal or social shaped this type? Try to be neutral and specific in your description of their appearance such as age range, body type, facial features, skin color, etc.

Does social status play a role such as job title, education or socioeconomics?

Have you ever gone against your type and if so what happened?

Step 2: Consider the flexibility of your preferences

Are you prioritizing attraction in a way that supports your long-term wellbeing?

How do you define functional beauty standards for yourself and potential partners? (e.g. self-care, health, personal style versus specific looks, racial identity, gender expectations, etc.)

How would you define functional aspects of social status for yourself and potential partners ? (e.g. responsibility, community building and contribution to the world as opposed to inherited privilege, fame and prestige)

Step 3: Identify your values across various contexts

We can categorize values as self-oriented, relational, and world-oriented. They are often absorbed from family, culture, religion, media and peers without question, but examining your values can help us re-evalaute them and live in alignment with consciously chosen ones.

For self-oriented values, what are your expectations of yourself and potential partners when it comes to health, finances, work, home and leisure?

For relational values, what kind of relationship structure appeals to you (traditional, egalitarian, etc.)? How important are marriage and children? What kind of dating pace do you expect? What does sexual intimacy mean to you? How much does socializing, community and friendship matter to you?

For world-oriented values, how do your political, religious, and philosophical views shape your approach to relationships? What kind of intellectual or spiritual connection do you want in a relationship?

Step 4: Consider how realistic your values are

Would you consider your values as they are realistic to maintain and if not how can you revise them? How might it change the outcomes you currently experience? Do you make room for cases that are “good enough”?

Step 5: Recall how you typically meet your relational needs

Clarity, respect and empathy matter. These aren’t just personal values but needs that every relationship depends on to thrive.

Do you communicate your needs with clarity and honesty (meaning how your words match your internal state and intentions)?

Do you set boundaries while still maintaining mutual respect and tolerance?

In past relationships, have you felt emotionally safe (meaning that your emotional vulnerability was met with emotional validation and the perception that your feelings “make sense”)?

Step 6: Consider the effectiveness of your strategies

Finally, how you can show up in relationships with more honesty (especially emotional vulnerability), respect for self and others, and empathy (especially through active listening)?